by G. R. Grove
Bungo: Greetings, most noble Cathbad the Druid. I’m Bungo the Bard, and I’ve come to seek enlightenment.
Cathbad: Greetings, Bungo. There are many types of enlightenment. Which kind are you seeking today?
Bungo: I need Poetic Enlightenment – the true imbas – so I can write great poetry!
Cathbad: Hmm. That’s a tall order… Why do you want to write great poetry, Bungo?
Bungo: Why, so I can become rich and famous, of course! Kings will pay me anything I ask for my wonderful praise poems. Otherwise (chuckles evilly) I’ll write deadly satires against them!
Cathbad: Mmm, I see. But Bungo, you say you’re a Bard – don’t you already have imbas?
Bungo: Er, well, yes, of course I do. But, er, I need more – deeper, more profound imbas.
Cathbad: Ah. But you have, of course, undergone your Bardic Initiation?
Bungo: Er, yes. One kind, anyway.
Cathbad: The kind where you went into a cave and fasted for nine days and nights after drinking a magical potion which let you see visions?
Bungo: Er, no. Not that one.
Cathbad: Hmm. The one where you wandered naked through the wilderness for a year and a day, living on roots and grubs and cold spring water and talking to the animals?
Bungo: Ugh! No, I haven’t done that, either.
Cathbad: Ah. The one when after twenty years of study you were questioned night and day for thirteen days by vicious teams of senior Bards, and beaten bloody with a hazel rod if you answered wrongly?
Bungo. Gods protect me! No, not that one either!
Cathbad: Then what sort of Bardic Initiation have you undergone, O Bungo?
Bungo: Well, I once stood up in a bardic circle and, er… (Mumbles).
Cathbad: And what?
Bungo: I read a poem. Of six whole lines. Out of a book.
Cathbad: (Distastefully) Out of a … a book?
Bungo: Yes. It was a dreadful experience.
Cathbad: I’m sure it was.
Bungo: But – but I have a harp!
Cathbad: Oh?
Bungo: Yes. And I can play a tune on it… sort of.
Cathbad: How nice.
Bungo: Would you like to hear it? (Starts to pluck random strings.)
Cathbad: Er, no, thank you. Not just now… I’ll tell you what, Bungo. You say you really want to summon the true imbas?
Bungo: Yes! Yes, I do!
Cathbad: Right, this is what you do, then. First, you kill a pig, and take some of the raw meat, and chew it…
Bungo: Ugh! Raw pig meat?! Yuck!
Cathbad: Well, you can use dog meat if you prefer… Bungo? Bungo! Why are you running away? (Sighs.) Oh, well, I don’t suppose he really wanted to hear the rest of the recipe for Druidical steak tartare after all…
(To be continued…)
